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Caribbean Travel RoundupNewsletter - Paul Graveline, Editor |
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(Ed note: Carol first provides a description of Grand Lido and the relates in diary form her vacation at the resort. Pictures and full text of both reviews are on Carol's home page at http://www.jnpcs.com/ehill)
The Grandiose Grand Lido--it's not perfect, but it is pretty damn
GRAND!! We just returned from a trip from 6/14/97 to 6/21/97 at the
Grand Lido in Negril, Jamaica. This was our third trip to Negril,
with previous trips to Negril being to Hedonism II and the Negril
Beach Club. Our favorite vacations before this have been cruises (20-
some cruises, all but one to the Caribbean) and St. Martin, which we
have visited several times. We have also traveled to Aruba several
times, as well as Antigua, Cancun and the Bahamas.
We booked through Go Classy Tours, as we always do for Jamaica. Based
on recommendations from the Prodigy BB, we paid for beachfront
accommodations and requested nude first floor rooms. Unlike Hedonism,
Grand Lido does not currently have different room categories for nude
and prude side beaches, although I wouldn't be surprised to see that
next year. (HII has room categories of prude gardenview, prude
beachfront, nude gardenview and nude beachfront). GL room categories
are gardenview, oceanview and beachfront, plus the full suites. The
full suites were about $500 per person more for the week. We did not
see any of the suites which appeared to be in use, but we seriously
doubt that they could be worth the extra money for them. Based on
brochure rates (which are not necessarily what one pays) gardenview
is only approximately $100 per week cheaper than oceanview and
oceanview is only approximately $100 per week (per person, that is)
cheaper than beachfront. Based on the layout of the place, I
personally would never book the gardenview rooms, especially if
you're interested in the nude side, as they are so far from
everything and the view is really horrible. If you are pinching
pennies, actually the oceanview rooms are not bad as they are just
down from the nude beachfront rooms. It's a little bit of a further
walk, but you should have no trouble with noise from the nude hot
tub, if you're a light sleeper.
As I said, we requested first floor nude rooms, and we were very
happy that we did. On the first floor rooms, one can walk directly
out of your french doors directly to the beach without putting on any
clothes. On the second floor, one is expected to don some type of
clothing to head to the beach. Also, the first floor rooms have a
patio with two small chairs and a dining-height table, plus most
people did as we did, which was pull up a couple of chaise lounges
right by your patio to lay on. This was especially nice first thing
in the morning and toward sunset. The balconies for the second floor
rooms were very small--maybe 3 feet by 6 feet and had only 2 chairs
and I don't believe they had any table at all.
Other than the full suites, all rooms at GL are the same. We had room
1061, which was a great location for us, on the first floor nude
beach and close to the hot tub. You entered the room through a
hallway with bathroom on the left and storage on the right, leading
to the bedroom area, down two steps leading on to the seating area,
then out toward the beach. Storage space consisted of about 5 feet of
hanging space, with about 15 hangers provided, 4 drawers, and 3 open
shelves.
A 4-cup coffee maker with coffee and tea were provided--and really
appreciated. There was also a coffee pot with regular and decaf
coffee at the nude bar in the morning. There was an iron and ironing
board in the closet, as well as a keyed safe. And speaking of keys,
GL provides their keys on wrist bracelets, which comes in pretty
handy on the nude beach. However, the room number on our key was not
our actual room number. I think that this was probably on purpose,
and a good idea, especially since Eric left his key (including the
safe key!!!!!) out by the nude hot tub one night. We went to the
front desk and they had no problem whatsoever finding what key to
give us, so I'm sure they have a code for such things.
The bathroom featured a bathtub, shampoo/lotion/bath gel dispenser, a
5 foot vanity and hairdyer. Lights in the bathroom--as well as
elsewhere throughout the room--were a little dim. We enjoyed the
provision of 4 nice-sized bathtowels, complete the with raised GL
logo. I thought they would look wonderful in my bathroom here at
home, but Eric didn't feel like spending a couple of years in a
Jamaican jail, so he refused to pack a couple when we came home. Boo.
The bedroom area of the room was around 10 by 14 and featured a king
sized bed, table on each side of the bed, phone, 2 bed lamps, a make-
up table with chair, and a full length wall mirror. Down two steps
from the bedroom area was the living room area, which was
approximately 8 by 14 and consisted of a couch and chair, coffee
table, and remote control TV and stereo/boombox unit. The TV channels
were CBS, NBC, ABC, Discovery, HBO, Fox, Playboy, a Spanish channel,
and TBS. There was a boombox dual cassette tape player, as well as a
radio (but no CD player). French doors from the room led out onto the
beach. Unfortunately, the doors did not lock with the key. They only
locked with deadbolts at the top and bottom. So, we basically had to
leave the french doors unlocked or go around to the front door to get
into the room. Obviously, we opted for the former. We basically
locked up everything important in the safe, with the exception of our
camera, so it wasn't a major problem. Next time we go to GL, I will
probably leave the good camera at home, so there will effectively be
nothing to steal in the room except our clothes. ("He who steals my
clothes steals trash" ???)
Nude beach facilities are important to us, and the availability of
same was one of the main reasons we booked at GL. Nude beach
facilities were good, although frankly not as good as Hedonism at the
current time. The prude beach at GL is a long, pretty wonderful
traditional beach with some shade (not a lot), and almost no rocks,
etc., in the water. The nude beach has lots more shade, is quite a
bit shorter and has some rocks, seaweed, coral, etc., in the water.
It is not the best beach we have seen, by far, but adequate. If you
want to spend a whole lot of time in the water, some water shoes
might be in order. There is a nude pool and hot tub right on the
beach with a bar which is open 10 AM to 6 PM. Unlike Hedo there is no
swim-up bar and in fact, no place to sit at the bar at all, and no
grill CURRENTLY. As of our trip, they are building a grill right by
the nude bar. I'm not sure exactly what the situation will be when it
is finished, but I hope that one will be able to just walk up at
lunch time and get a hamburger or hotdog, etc., from this grill, as
we perceived this to be a major deficiency at GL.
It was kind of a big deal sometimes to get something to eat at
lunchtime, as one either had to put on clothes (taking for granted
that one was on the nude beach) and head to the main dining room, or
order room service for lunch. Room service could be ordered to be
delivered to the nude bar area, but it still was a little bit of
trouble to do and usually took 30-45 minutes to arrive.
OK, so what about food at the Grandiose Grand Lido? There are three
restaurants for dinner, plus buffets for breakfast and lunch every
day, and buffet for dinner on two nights, plus 24 hour room service,
and the three 24 hour "Houses", the Timber House, Stone House, and
Beach House.
The room service and "House" menus were the same, with the addition
of breakfast items on a separate hang-tag system. One could go to the
Timber, Stone or Beach House (24 hours) and be served by a waitress,
including drink orders, and generally service was quicker than room
service. Items included a tossed salad, chef salad (GOOD!), soup de
jour, club sandwich (decent), lamb chops (GREAT!!!!!), snapper
sandwich (OK, but one had to order french fries separately--which
were very good, by the way), deli sandwich, potato skins
(WONDERFUL!!), hamburger (AWFUL!), hotdog, ice cream, fresh fruit
plate, brownie (GOOD!!), and an ice cream with banana dessert which
sounded wonderful but we didn't have. We ordered room service several
times and it always was what we ordered and generally arrived within
15-20 minutes, although one or two times it took close to 40 minutes
around lunch time.
Breakfast from room service is served from 6 A.M. to 10 A.M., in 15
minute increments and one orders it by placing a hang-tag on your
door by 2 A.M. Breakfast choices were supposedly The Executive, which
consisted of fruit, cereal, yogurt, danish, coffee and mimosa, and
the Negril Eye Opener, which consisted of danish, coffee and OJ. Side
orders included cottage cheese, fruit plates, and various fruit
juices. Of course, we wanted a combination of both, so we just wrote
in what we wanted on the tag and it always arrived within the
designated time frame and was exactly what we ordered. Especially
since we were staying on the first floor on the nude beach, I really
preferred the breakfast served on our patio to going to the main
dining room.
The breakfast buffet at the main restaurant was served from 8 A.M. to
10:30 A.M., and included made-to-order omelettes and eggs, plus
scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, hash browns, plantains, fruits,
salmon, and either pancakes or french toast and several other items
which changed daily. Coffee, orange juice and water were served by
usually very attentive servers, who generally seated us, drawing out
our chairs and placing our napkins on our laps.
Lunch buffets were served from 12:30 to 3 P.M., and normally
consisted of some luncheon meats, fruits, salads, and about 3 or 4
hot entrees and a couple of hot vegetables, plus various desserts and
ice cream. Servers served mixed drinks, plus 4 different varieties of
wine, iced tea and coffee. Service for lunch was generally excellent
also, although iced tea seemed to take much too long to deliver. A
couple of days, the luncheons had "themes"--Cajun one day (with a
great Cajun steak and Cajun fries) and Mexican another day.
Dinner offered three choices on most nights, La Pasta, Cafe Lido and
Piacere. Buffets were offered at dinner on Friday and Wednesday and
(other than room service and the Houses), buffet and La Pasta were
the only choices on Friday night. Wednesday night was supposed to be
Carnival night, but I didn't really see anything which signified
Carnival to me. We arrived for the "Grand Buffet" on Friday night
very late, and just picked up a few items. I presume that the
selection was much better earlier on. La Pasta is open 3 P.M. to 2
A.M. and shorts are perfectly acceptable. La Pasta offered garlic
bread, one meat dish and about 4 different pastas with 4 different
sauces, plus some desserts. We ate there once and I was not
particularly impressed.
Cafe Lido is open 6:30 to 10:00 P.M. Cafe Lido serves a continental
menu which varies each night. Written materials for Cafe Lido
indicate that no shorts are allowed. We would not have a problem with
that policy, if that really were the policy. However, the shorts
policy was enforced sporadically. On Saturday night, Eric wore long
pants and observed 50% of the men in shorts. On Sunday night, Eric
wore shorts--nice shorts, and not particularly short shorts, and the
maitre d' quite snottily told us that he would allow us to sit
outside that night but that they only allowed "dress shorts". Of
course, on subsequent nights, we saw a gal with VERY short shorts,
plus a fellow with ragged jean shorts, dining there.
We ate at Cafe Lido on three occasions and were very impressed with
food and service on the first two. The menu varied each night, but
consisted basically of about 3 appetizers, a couple of soups, a salad
and about 4 entrees. We enjoyed some wonderful spring rolls, grilled
salmon, and pork with vegetables and a merely adequate prime rib and
creme brulee. On the first two times we arrived fairly close to 6:30,
sat outside and had absolutely wonderful service. On the third
occasion, we arrived at approximately 8 P.M. and wanted to sit
inside. We were told that in order to eat inside, there were
approximately 15 parties in front of us, which would have roughly
translated to about an hour wait. We took the last table available
outside. Service that night was very slow, the meal was interminable,
my wine glass remained empty for about 10 minutes, and in general,
the comparison to the first two nights at Cafe Lido was amazing.
Frankly, considering the other two choices for dinner are Piacere
(reservations only and about 20 tables only) and La Pasta (about a
dozen tables, plus service at the bar but no reservations), I was
pretty distressed that one could not go to Cafe Lido at 8 PM and
expect to be served for an hour, and that the quality of the service
when the whole restaurant was full was so much worse than it was the
first two nights. It seems to me that if the resort is anywhere near
full, that there are not nearly enough tables available for dinner.
Even though it didn't appear to us to be the case, at least by Friday
night, the resort was supposedly 100% full.
Piacere is the French restaurant, and the only one that requires
reservations. Jackets, but not ties, are required for Piacere,
although the restaurant does keep a couple on hand for emergencies,
as the fellow in front of us used one of the resort's coats. We were
able to only get reservations for one night there. Service and food
at Piacere are definitely worth the trouble for reservations and the
dress code. We had lobster bisque soup, crab cakes, fabulous steaks,
and a very decent red wine.
One neat aspect of Grand Lido is the M/Y Zein, which is the yacht
that Princess Grace of Monaco supposedly spent her honeymoon on.
There are sunset cruises every day of the week except Friday and
Sunday, I believe, as well as a nude cruise on Thursday morning.
Technically, one is supposed to sign up through the concierge, but no
one checked names on either cruise. I think that they mainly wanted
to get an idea of how many are coming. The sunset cruise is from
approximately 4 P.M. to 6:45 and offers drinks and very light hors
douvres. Dress for the sunset cruise required long pants for the men.
The nude cruise is on Thursday morning from about 10:30 to 12:15.
There are drinks but no food served onboard. And it is HOT, so the
hose on the top deck to spritz oneself with water is very welcome.
The Zein is also used for some weddings and reaffirmations.
GL's brochure proclaims that they serve premium liquors and local
brands. This is true, for the most part. Tanqueray, Jack Daniels, Jim
Beam, Grand Marnier, etc., were available, as well as wines and
champagne. However, my personal favorite, Bacardi rum, was not
available. The main reason is basically political, as one of
Jamaica's main products is Appleton rum, which is the only rum that
they served. Also, there were no beers available, except Red Stripe,
which is the Jamaican beer. The absence of a Bacardi was a major deal
for me, and I ended up going over to Hedonism II and buying Bacardi
at the store there. Bar service in general was excellent at GL, and
there was no problem with weak drinks whatsoever. During the main
daylight hours, from about 11 A.M. to 4 P.M., there was a waitress
walking the beach taking drink orders. Bar service at the Houses and
the main buffet restaurant was generally excellent.
Maid service during our visit was problematical. I have to assume
that, based on the level of service which we observed elsewhere in
the resort, that the quality of our maid service was an aberration.
The timing of the service was odd, both in the morning and in the
evening. Most days, the maid did not arrive to make up the room until
after noon. Also, several days she did not leave us any hand-towels
for the bathroom. Evening service was even more problematical. On at
least two occasions, she arrived at approximately 9 PM, when we had
just arrived back from dinner. We basically just told her to leave us
some fresh towels and get lost. Then, on one other night, she arrived
at after 10 P.M. Two nights she did not come at all. I have to assume
that this was not the normal level of service to be expected at this
resort. The resort was full, at least on Friday night, so this might
have had something to do with it.
OK, so what about entertainment and activities? Most days, we had
breakfast, read or sunned or talked with other beach inhabitants, had
lunch, sunned some more, watched the sunset from the hot tub, had
dinner, spent an hour or two in the hot tub and went to bed. A really
full schedule!! There were lots of activities available during the
day and some during the night, although we ignored most of them.
There was snorkeling gear available during the day and many people
snorkeled just off the beach, and there were two boat snorkeling
trips per day, plus scuba diving and glass bottomed boat. There were
sunfish sailboats plus sailboards and giant trikes and waterskiing,
all included. There were parasailing and jetskis available for rent
for an additional fee, in addition to a catamaran cruise with
snorkeling down to Rick's for about $40 PP.
The resort also offered various excursions, including tours to
Kingston, YS Falls, Dunn's River Falls, a plantation tour, a
submarine ride, Negril highlights, horseback riding, countryside
tour, shopping to Negril ($10 PP) and transfers to Rick's Cafe ($13
PP).
Evening entertainment for us consisted mostly of dinner then a few
hours in the hot tub or laying out by the ocean. There was
entertainment in the main dining area from around 9 P.M. There was a
50's/60's night and there was kareoke several nights, which we think
is the rough equivalent of "stupid people tricks", so we don't go.
There is no toga night, like at Hedonism and, while there is a PJ
night, unlike when we went to the Hedo PJ party, there were no cows
that gave their lives. The disco is open from 10:30 P.M., but we only
went there the one night for the PJ party, as I hate that loud noise.
The piano bar is nice and cool and is a nice place for a quiet drink
before dinner and they do serve some nice hors dourvres there, but
you have to get there somewhat early to get them.
In general, we were very impressed with the level of food and service
at GL. Except for the maid service, it compared about equally or was
above the level we have come to expect from cruises. There are lots
of amenities, from the room service to bar waitresses on the beach,
to the wonderful floats provided on all the chairs, to the yacht, to
the food and service at Cafe Lido and Piacere, to ordering champagne
and potato skins at 1 A.M. in the nude hot tub, which make the Grand
Lido truly Grand.
(Ed Note: Carol now provides a day by day account of her visit.)
This report will be kind of a diary for the week for those who have
been to GL before, as opposed to a description of the resort.
QUESTION--How do you know you're back in Jamaica? ANSWER- -When
you're propositioned TWICE to purchase ganja and you haven't even
left the airport terminal building yet!! True story, from this trip!
Anyway, we had collected our luggage, gone through customs and were
in a van leaving the airport within 35 minutes of landing. We were
placed in a minivan with only one other couple. We had a semi-
reasonable driver who didn't threaten the lives of too many dogs,
cats, cows, horses, chickens, etc, on the trip to Negril. Most
endearing to us, he actually asked if we wanted to stop at a bar and
when we said no, we sailed on to the resort, arriving at about 2:45
P.M.
We were greeted with a handshake and a "Welcome to Grand Lido" smile.
Check-in is accomplished while you sit and enjoy the drink of your
choice. Still, it seemed to take forever, possibly because they had
erroneously put on our reservation that we were supposed to be
leaving on the 16th, two days after we arrived. Strangely enough, the
other couple we rode with from the airport had their check out date
incorrect also.
We didn't ask what room we had been assigned, but as our guide took
us to our room and I saw that she was taking us to 1061, I knew that
we had a great room. 1061 is just about a perfect location for us,
just down from the nude pool and hot tub. We would certainly request
another room within the range of 1059 to 1064 the next trip.
Since we hadn't had any lunch, we had a sandwich at the Timber House,
then headed back to the room to check for the suitcases, which
finally arrived at the room (delivered inside the room) at 4:30. We
watched the sunset from the nude beach and determined that, for this
purpose, the facilities on the Hedo nude beach are better, as you
can't actually see the sun set from the section of nude beach by the
hot tub, as there is a piece of land in the way. We had a very lovely
dinner at Cafe Lido, including spring rolls, salmon pate, salad,
grilled salmon, pork with vegetables, and a rather light chocolate
dessert, accompanied by a Chilean white and a French red wine. Tired
from the trip and a short night the night before, we retired early
around 9:30.
Sunday we ate breakfast in the dining room and went to the Concierge
to sign up for Piacere and for the nude cruise and the sunset cruise.
We spent the morning on the beach until around 12:30 when it clouded
up and started raining. We decided to use the occasion to head to the
dining room for lunch and enjoyed a nice leisurely lunch, plus a
couple of drinks at the bar. We headed back to the room and spent the
afternoon sleeping and reading in the room, as it basically rained
until about 4:30. Fortunately this was the only protracted rain of
the week.
Dinner on Sunday was again at Cafe Lido and the food and service
again were excellent, with prime rib and creme brulee. However, the
shorts policy at Cafe Lido provided one of the few bad moments of the
week. The problem is that half the people we had seen dining there on
Saturday night had been in shorts. Therefore, on Sunday night, Eric
wore shorts--nice shorts, and not particularly short shorts, but the
maitre d' quite snottily told us that he would allow us to sit
outside that night but that they only allowed "dress shorts". Of
course, on subsequent nights, we saw a gal with VERY short shorts,
plus a fellow with ragged jean shorts, dining there. Frankly, we
would not have had a problem if they would just have enforced a
strict no shorts policy, but this some shorts are OK and some aren't
is kind of pretentious.
Monday the 16th was our anniversary and we began the day with
breakfast of Danish, Mimosa, fruit and coffee served on our patio. A
wonderful way to start the day! We spent the morning on the beach and
ordered cheeseburgers from room service for lunch, which were merely
OK. What was great was calling room service and having it delivered
to the nude hot tub and eating it on the beach.
On Monday, Eric played some volleyball in the nude pool and we
finally started blending in with the group. This vacation was
somewhat different than our usual vacations, which are either cruises
or St. Martin. Usually on our vacations, we spend the whole week
basically by ourselves and are perfectly happy. At GL, on the nude
beach, in particular, a lot of the crowd kind of sits around and
talks for a good portion of the day, either sitting on the beach or
on floats in the ocean or the pool. You can be alone for the whole
week if you want and no one will bother you. However, if you do make
a little bit of an effort, you can join right in with the
festivities. When we first go on vacation, we are still too stressed
out to be too much fun, but by the end of the week, we were joining
right in.
We thought we needed some more champagne to make it through the
afternoon, so we ordered champagne and brownies for an afternoon
snack. They said it was going to take 45 minutes to bring and we
missed it when they brought it, so we called them and had them re-
deliver it to the room. Eric got several cat- calls as he delivered
the tray to me, sitting in the nude hot tub. Six o'clock came and
time to get dressed for the first time this day, as we had to get
ready for dinner at Piacere. A trip to Piacere is a great experience,
with fabulous service and food. We had a wonderful Cabernet
Sauvignon, beef we could cut with a fork, wonderful crab cakes and
lobster bisque soup. Unfortunately for us, we made the mistake of
telling them it was our anniversary and they delivered us their
standard anniversary cake. Trust me, the anniversary cake stunk. We
wanted the hazelnut torte!! We should have just refused the cake, but
they seemed to enjoy bringing it so much!! NEXT time we will disavow
all knowledge of anniversary dates!!
We were surprised though, at how warm it was in Piacere, especially
since they require a jacket. They needed to shoot some of the A/C
from the piano bar (which was VERY cold) over to Piacere, and also to
La Pasta, which was also warm.
Tuesday morning we had breakfast at the buffet, then went over to
Hedonism II for a tour of the new nude beach facilities. There are
tours of Hedonism every day at 10 A.M. and 3 P.M. Basically, all you
have to do is walk out the front gate and across the street and
report to security at Hedonism. We were the only ones there for the
tour and we told the lady that all we wanted to do was to see the new
nude hot tub and pool and go to the shop. Technically, I think that
they are not supposed to give people a tour of the nude facilities,
so the girl just took us to the edge of the nude area and let us walk
around on our own. The new nude pool, swim-up bar and misting area
make the nude facilities at Hedo much nicer than at GL right now.
Also, there is a grill right there by the nude pool at Hedo. They are
in the process of building a grill at GL at the nude pool, so
hopefully in the near future, one will be able to just walk up and
get a burger, etc., on the nude beach at GL.
We then went to the gift shop at Hedo and I bought an additional
paperback book, plus some Bacardi rum. This brings me to one of my
other pet peeves for the week--even though the brochure for
Superclubs states that they have premium liquors, they had no Bacardi
at GL. I had posted a note requesting info about Bacardi before we
left home and some people on Prodigy reported that they did serve
Bacardi and some other guests at GL reported that they had seen
Bacardi there before, but there was none during our stay. We talked
to the fellow in the store at Hedo about the subject and he said, as
we suspected, that the lack of Bacardi was political. Because
Appleton rum is made in Jamaica, Superclubs does not serve Bacardi.
GL at least--don't know about the rest of the Superclubs--also does
not serve any beer except Red Stripe.
After a successful shopping trip, we headed back to the beach for a
couple of hours of sun before heading to the dining room for a lunch
of BBQ chicken, BBQ port sandwich, stuffed shells and assorted salads
and desserts. Having acquired my Bacardi rum, I thought it would be
nice to have a real rum and coke after suffering through Appleton and
coke for three days. So, I put some Bacardi in the bottom of my
sipper cup (of course, a HEDO cup) and went to the nude beach bar to
have it filled with coke. Of course, the bartender took a look in the
cup and saw the rum and thought it was water and proceeded to DUMP
OUT my rum!! I squawked, but not soon enough and had to go in and
replenish the Bacardi. For the rest of the week, I made sure to tell
the bartender not to dump out my rum when I went to the bar.
We went on the sunset cruise on Tuesday, which is from 4 P.M. to
6:45. It was nice to do once, although I certainly wouldn't do it
more than once in a week and not sure when we go back, whether we
would do it again or not. They basically return you back to resort
almost before sunset anyway. It was cloudy the night we went, so
there was no sunset to watch.
Tuesday evening we went to La Pasta for dinner for the only time for
the week. It was OK, although the service was not nearly to the level
of Cafe Lido or Piacere. We had some garlic bread and wine and I had
ravioli with meat sauce and Eric had some pasta with a seafood sauce.
Wednesday we again had breakfast on our patio at our room, which
except for Monday night at Piacere, was probably my favorite meals of
the week, with Danish, mimosa and that wonderful GL coffee. We
actually DID something on Wednesday, taking out one of the small
sunfish sailboats for a while. Wednesday was the first day there was
any wind at all and we enjoyed tooling around for an hour or so.
Around 4:30 it started a kind of a gentle rain and we repaired to the
hot tub for a 3 bottle champagne night (before dinner), just Eric and
I. Fortunately, dinner on Wednesday was buffet in the main
restaurant, which was fine, since we were feeling no pain by this
time.
Thursday was the nude cruise, which is from about 10:30 to 12:15.
There wasn't a particularly large group this trip and we had no
problem finding seats on the benches all the way aft. It was HOT,
though, and we did take advantage of the hose on the top deck
provided for cooling off. Unlike the sunset cruise, which provided
very light hors dourvres, there was nothing to eat on the nude
cruise.
We went to the main dining room for lunch and had a wonderful Cajun
lunch, with Cajun steak and fries. Dinner was again at Cafe Lido and
provided another very unpleasant surprise. We arrived at Cafe Lido
around 8 P.M. and wanted to eat inside. We were told that the wait to
eat inside was approximately 15 groups, which we translated to being
maybe in the nature of an hour. Frankly, I don't find that
acceptable, since except for the very limited number of seats at
Piacere (which required reservations) and the equally limited number
of seats at La Pasta, Cafe Lido is the only choice for dinner most
nights. We decided to take the last remaining table outside. The
service Thursday night was, in a word, pitiful. The waiter took
forever to take our order, our wine glasses sat empty most of the
time, and the time between courses was interminable. We were very
surprised considering what great food and service we had on the
earlier occasions when we ate early. Even though we didn't know it,
apparently the resort was full, at least by Thursday night. I am not
sure that I find it acceptable, however, that one has to eat at 6:30
in order to get decent service at Cafe Lido.
Thursday night was the PJ party, which was populated mostly by people
from the nude beach. There were maybe 30 people there, as opposed to
a Hedo PJ party, which seems to attract hundreds of people. From
Tuesday to Wednesday, it had seemed like there was a major turnover
of people on the nude beach, as a large number of people left and a
bunch of new people came in. The crowd that arrived Tuesday and
Wednesday was much younger than the previous week and I think that if
we had been at the PJ party the week before, it would have been
pretty empty. Anyway, the nude beach contingent did a good job,
taking home all the prizes except most conservative and best couple.
Of course, our next door neighbor won "Biggest Bulge", so we
proceeded to call him "Big Balls" for the rest of the week. After all
the noise of the disco, we decided that the nude hot tub would be a
much better venue, so we left first and called room service and
ordered 4 bottles of champagne and 10 glasses. By the time the rest
of the crowd arrived, the champagne had arrived and we had a good
time, although the security guard kept coming by and shushing us.
Wednesday we again had breakfast on our patio at our room, which
except for Monday night at Piacere, was probably my favorite meals of
the week, with Danish, mimosa and that wonderful GL coffee. We
actually DID something on Wednesday, taking out one of the small
sunfish sailboats for a while. Wednesday was the first day there was
any wind at all and we enjoyed tooling around for an hour or so.
Around 4:30 it started a kind of a gentle rain and we repaired to the
hot tub for a 3 bottle champagne night (before dinner), just Eric and
I. Fortunately, dinner on Wednesday was buffet in the main
restaurant, which was fine, since we were feeling no pain by this
time.
Thursday was the nude cruise, which is from about 10:30 to 12:15.
There wasn't a particularly large group this trip and we had no
problem finding seats on the benches all the way aft. It was HOT,
though, and we did take advantage of the hose on the top deck
provided for cooling off. Unlike the sunset cruise, which provided
very light hors dourvres, there was nothing to eat on the nude
cruise. We went to the main dining room for lunch and had a wonderful
Cajun lunch, with Cajun steak and fries. Dinner was again at Cafe
Lido and provided another very unpleasant surprise. We arrived at
Cafe Lido around 8 P.M. and wanted to eat inside. We were told that
the wait to eat inside was approximately 15 groups, which we
translated to being maybe in the nature of an hour. Frankly, I don't
find that acceptable, since except for the very limited number of
seats at Piacere (which required reservations) and the equally
limited number of seats at La Pasta, Cafe Lido is the only choice for
dinner most nights. We decided to take the last remaining table
outside. The service Thursday night was, in a word, pitiful. The
waiter took forever to take our order, our wine glasses sat empty
most of the time, and the time between courses was interminable. We
were very surprised considering what great food and service we had on
the earlier occasions when we ate early. Even though we didn't know
it, apparently the resort was full, at least by Thursday night. I am
not sure that I find it acceptable, however, that one has to eat at
6:30 in order to get decent service at Cafe Lido. Thursday night was
the PJ party, which was populated mostly by people from the nude
beach. There were maybe 30 people there, as opposed to a Hedo PJ
party, which seems to attract hundreds of people. From Tuesday to
Wednesday, it had seemed like there was a major turnover of people on
the nude beach, as a large number of people left and a bunch of new
people came in. The crowd that arrived Tuesday and Wednesday was much
younger than the previous week and I think that if we had been at the
PJ party the week before, it would have been pretty empty. Anyway,
the nude beach contingent did a good job, taking home all the prizes
except most conservative and best couple. Of course, our next door
neighbor won "Biggest Bulge", so we proceeded to call him "Big Balls"
for the rest of the week. After all the noise of the disco, we
decided that the nude hot tub would be a much better venue, so we
left first and called room service and ordered 4 bottles of champagne
and 10 glasses. By the time the rest of the crowd arrived, the
champagne had arrived and we had a good time, although the security
guard kept coming by and shushing us.
Friday morning I had wanted to eat at the room, but we didn't have
any of the tags to order it, so we went to the main dining room.
Earlier in the week, I saw the maid and requested some of the hang
tags and she gave me one, but she never replaced it. Can't figure out
if she was supposed to do that or not, but we were generally
unimpressed with her service, as she missed our room at night twice,
and generally came at really odd times, once coming at 10:30 P.M.
After breakfast, we went to the concierge to book a plane flight back
to Mo Bay, as the "going home blues" were starting to kick in and we
decided that we couldn't go the bus trip. We tried to book what the
concierge called the scheduled flight, which was supposed to be only
$38 per person. However, there was only one seat left on that plane,
so we had to do what she called the charter, which was $60 per
person. We made some purchases in the gift shop and headed out to the
beach for the day. Friday was kind of an on and off day, as it was
kind of cloudy and there were a few showers in the morning. We sat in
the hot tub for most of them. Finally on Friday, we made the best
choice of the week for lunch, deciding to order the lamb chops from
room service. I had seen rave reviews regarding them, but hadn't paid
much attention. However, take a word of advice and order two orders
of lamb chops (comes with fries) and one chef salad for two people.
Wonderful!!!!! We spent the afternoon on the beach. I read most of
the time and Eric, along with about 20 other people, made kind of a
floating island of floats, and sent messengers over to the nude bar
for liquid libations.
In the afternoon, we had made plans to all get together to eat dinner
at the buffet and were supposed to meet before at a bar. I thought
that we were supposed to meet at the main bar in the restaurant, but
I wanted to get some hors dourvres first, as I was hungry, so we went
to the piano bar around 7:10. Unfortunately, they were just running
out of some very tasty chicken wings and didn't replenish them. We
did meet up with one couple from the nude beach, who proclaimed that
we had been supposed to meet at the piano bar, not the main bar, and
we kind of got trapped there with them, waiting for the others to
show up. While we were sitting there, the wife of the Captain of the
Zein came by to talk with the other couple. She said that the resort
was totally full, at least that night, as they apparently can stay in
a room there if the resort is not booked. Otherwise they have to stay
on the boat. She did say that they were getting ready to take the
ship for repairs in July and the way that she talked, I wouldn't be
surprised to see it gone for most of July and August. I sent Eric out
a couple of times to try to hunt for the others, but he never saw
them. We had been looking all afternoon on the beach for Gary and
Judy Passama to show up and knew that they would be looking for us in
the main restaurant also and I was somewhat anxious to escape. By
8:45, I finally convinced the other couple that the rest of the group
had dissed us and that we needed to go eat. So, as we were walking
from the piano bar I spied a couple kind of looking around and
thought that it looked like Gary and Judy, who had sent us their
pictures. I booked toward where they were, ostensibly leaving Eric to
apologize to the other couple, but he just followed me. Well, it was
in fact Gary and we hugged and talked for a couple of minutes but
they had already eaten and we decided that we'd better get something
to eat. At this point, the other couple had disappeared, so we had
dinner alone.
After dinner, we hunted around for the other couple and found them at
LaPasta and apologized for disappearing. The rest of the group had
appeared finally and was down by the dance floor, but we decided to
go back in search of Gary. We called their room and arranged to meet
at the Timber House for a non- alcoholic drink for them and an
alcoholic drink for us. After some nice conversation, Gary and Judy
decided to head off to bed and we headed off to the hot tub. We
decided we needed a last order of potato skins and champagne,
delivered to the hot tub. There was only one other couple there when
we arrived. However, by the time the potato skins arrived, the rest
of the group showed up and looked longingly at our potato skins. We
ate them fast, as more people showed up, all hauling bottles of
champagne, as well as one of those tall silver champagne buckets,
which they proceeded to fill with bottles and arrange the others
around the base. I can only verify 9 bottles of champagne, as that's
all I saw before I pooped out around 12:30. Eric told me lurid tales
the next day of different methods of opening champagne bottles and
shooting corks from the hot tub to the nude pool, plus of three of
the group heading to the Timber House au naturel, for more champagne
and being denied because they had had enough. Eric claims that the
count was around 15 or so bottles for the night. All I know is that I
woke up about 3:30 and saw that he was still not in bed so I went out
to make sure he wasn't dead or drowned and hauled him out of the hot
tub, as he and one other fellow were the last ones still there.
Saturday was our last day in paradise, and we started out the day
with breakfast on our patio and congratulated ourselves on the fact
that we had booked the plane flight back to MoBay. We ended up with
another two hours on the beach, plus a lunch of those wonderful lamb
chops and chef salad as a result. Instead of having to be at the
front desk at 10:45 for the bus, we had to be there at 12:30 and
proceeded with check-out, which took about one minute flat. The
resort took us to GNAT, which took about 5 minutes, as we watched
with increasing trepidation the huge thunderstorm clouds in the
distance. It was also a little disconcerting to have them ask us how
much our luggage weighed. We were booked on a plane which seated
around 10 people and had a Superclubs logo on the side. Despite my
initial fears, the flight was very smooth, though we flew through a
few showers. We arrived at MoBay approximately an hour and 45 minutes
before the flight and endured a pretty long check-in line for US Air
and had a relatively uneventful flight home. QUESTION--How do you
know that you have had too much champagne at GL?? ANSWER--When you're
standing in the baggage claim area at BWI Airport and think that you
hear a champagne cork popping and it takes you a couple of minutes to
figure out that's NOT what it was!!
End Carol Hill review
Grand Lido continued to live up to its reputation of a high quality resort. This was our second visit and in the 18 months improvements in food quality, staff and facilities were evident. I dived this time (SCUBA) and it was fun. Here are some tips and tidbits on what to expect. These notes are based on our trip 5/97. See my previous trip report 11/95 for additional info. Getting There Was a Drag Our best laid plans were crushed by Northwest Airlines canceling its ONLY Tampa to Montego Bay flight. They kindly transferred us to American Airlines; who placed us on a shuttle to Miami and then a 6 PM flight to Montego Bay. I give Northwest 2 points for coordinating with American and 10 points to American who got us there. We were concerned our room would be reassigned with our late arrival and I tried to get in touch with GL from the airport. It turned out GL changed their phone number to 1-809-957- 5010. We got the correct number by calling International Lifestyles 1-800-858-8009 (another number I had with me from the brochure). Make a phone number list; you never know when you will need it. The BIG bummer for us was charter flights from Montego Bay to Negril stop at 5:30PM (VFR Flight Rules). We got to experience the Montego Bay bus ride to Grand Lido. It was 1 hour and 40 minutes at night on twisty, windy roads that all look the same (for those of you that remember Zork). It was interesting with righthand drive, cows and afterdark cyclists for about the first 20 minutes. We made sure we got reservations on TimAir for the return to maximize beach time. I have to compliment TimAir. I called them trying to arrange my schedule changes and they volunteered to contact GL about our late arrival. They get my business (Montego Bay (809) 952-2516). Super Clubs was efficient getting us onto a bus. They have a fairly large counter in the MoBay airport. But we missed an afternoon of sun and our total travel time exceeded 16 hours from Seattle to Negril! We heard there is a non-stop Air Jamaica flight from LA to MoBay once a week. This might be a better option for West Coast folks than the US tour we had. Reception Reception was nice as last time. They have you fill out a few forms to help confirm flight reservations for your return. Bags are delivered direct to your room from the bus. GL thankfully held our room and gave us our room preference. Andrea did a good job. Yea, we got there! GL Staff We found the staff to be more friendly this visit (not that last visit was bad) and even better if you engaged them. Make an effort to remember names and act like a guest. They were wonderful. We consistently got great service from everyone. Housekeeping did a great job with our rooms. They did more than just clean the rooms; they paid attention to how we used the rooms (more towels, floor mat at the patio door). I spent some time chatting with Lennox. The bar tenders at the c/o beach bar were great all week, Clifford , Madolie and Godffrey. The people appeared to like their jobs and the guests. GL Food Food had improved. Generally, I rate the food as follows; appetizers (good-excellent), soups (good), salad (good), entree (good), desserts (excellent). The buffets were good to excellent and room service was good. Fresh fruits were abundant; the papaya and pineapple were our favorite. The room service menu wasn't extensive but offered chicken sandwiches, burgers, lamb chops, fruit, salad, etc. They added veggie burgers. The longest we waited for room service was maybe 30 minutes. People were ordering room service directly to the pool and the hottub area this time. There was a phone in the bar and you just ordered it from the Timber House. We ordered drinks one night from the hot tub and they were there in under 5 minutes! Piacere Piacere requires a coat (tie not necessary). For the improperly dressed male, they had some one-size-fits-all loaner coats. You must make reservations. We ate here twice and it's worth taking the effort to eat here as many times as possible. White glove service, piano music, best food in the resort, good atmosphere. Get on the reservation list ASAP when you check-in. Don't miss-out on this place. The food improved measurably since the last visit (it was good before but now it's excellent). Salads showed the most improvement from being forgettable to memorable. They added a palate cleanser sorbet before the main course. Grandville was there from before. We got great service from all of our waiters; Anthony, Oral, Orville and Grandville. We had an Angus filet prepared with a mushroom and pate sauce; it was so good I had it both times. The Tropical Passion dessert was a chocolate lovers delight. Buffets and Other Food Comments They totally redid the buffet line to break it up and added hot/cold areas and sneeze guards. It made access to the food a lot better than the single file line from before. It was easy to drop by the buffet and just get a few items without a major time commitment. From 8 to 10:30 AM each morning, there is a full breakfast buffet. The breakfast buffet was pretty much everything you could want, all of it good. They open a lunch buffet around 11:30; again quite good. We generally sat in the same area when the buffet was going and got to meet Mark, Terrence, Everton and other staff. All did a great job of service. The buffet and food changes, and staff made eating in the terrace nicer than before and more relaxed. We got into a habit of doing room service for breakfast. I did the 9 AM scuba dive; wife did the aerobics; met in the terrace for the end of the breakfast buffet; and then to the beach. Twice a week they have a Gala Buffet that starts at 7:30. It was great, go a little early and lock down a nice table. Some of the tables were outside and romantic in the evening breeze. The barbecued shrimp and jerk chicken were the best and were served outside near the pool; look for it. GL Drinks Wine improved considerably since our last visit. You now had a choice of 4 or 5 different blends (Chilean and French). Not exceptional wines but far better than the discount Chilean wine of our past visit. Champagne was still the Concha y' Toro; not real memorable except the day after. Fruit juice drinks were good. Ask for Fruit Punch (without the syrup); Virgin Pina Colata's or Ting (grapefruit & 7-Up). They were really refreshing; we drank and ate lots of fruit. They had slurpee-like (granita) coolers at the beach bars. One of them had a drink called a Hummingbird; real tasty with rum cream. GL Rooms This time we had room 1066, a ground floor, ocean view room, junior suite on the c/o side and loved it. The building with rooms 1065 to 1074 seems to be the best as far as view and distance/proximity to bar/pool/tub arrangement. Ground floor units allowed you to spread out in front of the unit. The second floor units had a small balcony and you had to walk around to get to the beach side. We talked to one couple that had a room directly over the pool/tub area and hated it because of the noise from the late night guests and the whine of the hot tub most of the night. They immediately asked for, and got, a room change. Rooms were good, clean. They had removed the carpeting from the upper area and tiled the whole room. It made the room appear cleaner and cooler than before. "Guests don't get rug burns now.", the staff explained. Rooms were in better condition than our previous visit. Beds were comfy. Each room had a wall safe. It was relaxing to lock-up passports, tickets, money, etc. and then walk around unencumbered with wallets & purses. We specified our room preferences on booking and then a week before by fax. Repeat Visitor Reception Since this was our second time there, we were invited to a repeat visitor reception before dinner. They had a nice spread of appetizers and the senior members of their staff were there. It was nice to meet them and some of the other visitors. Some people have returned there an incredible number of times. One couple got married there and returned on their anniversary every year. I think they were up to 7 times! Those of you thinking about a wedding at GL can be a little less apprehensive (at least about GL). We met Sophia the wedding coordinator. She has been there since GL opened. She was warm, friendly and appeared quite competent. There was a wedding while we were there at the new Gazebo and it looked like it came off great. We asked one of the family members and they were pleased. Facility Changes They added a Gazebo that sits above the water and rocks on the c/o side for weddings. They decorate the posts with flowers for the weddings. I was a nice place to sit in the evenings. The Timber House has a hottub area I didn't remember from before. They are planning to make the gym/aerobics area enclosed and air-conditioned. They are also going to add a presidential suite building on the main beach. It was clear SuperClubs wasn't sitting on its laurels with all the vacation competition from Braco, Sandals and Couples. GL had enjoyed the luxury of being the only large resort on Bloody Bay. Couples is in on the process of building one of their resorts next to GL. I hope it doesn't change the serenity of Bloody Bay but it's got to make a difference. Beaches There are two beaches clothing optional and textile. The textile beach is nice, large, straight, sandy beach and kinda like you'd expect with lounges parked side by side. The c/o beach was convoluted, smaller and with more shade. We liked the c/o beach better; it had more personality. If naked people bother you, I don't think you would be disappointed in the textile beach. They groom the beach each morning and cleanup in the evenings. They rotate through the pools and hot tubs daily with a chemical maintenance. Entertainment The entertainment was better and more professional this time around. One day we sat in the piano bar and Ike personally entertained and talked with us like we were the only ones there. The jazz bands were good. They had a steel band for the beach party. Had some cabaret type entertainment. We went to the pajama party and felt overdressed. It was a disco and like you'd imagine it was loud and a little smoky. Folks were having fun. We left early and headed to the hot tub. The Fitness Center was nice. My wife did the aerobics class 3 times and rated it pretty high. They had a temporary instructor Sharren who really drove the class. MY Zein The sunset cruise was fun and improved since last time; do it. They added a calypso band; better h'orderves; the cruise went down to the Negril Lighthouse and returned just at sunset. Guys must wear slacks; ladies get away with dress shorts or better. Again get reservations ASAP; I can't imagine going there and missing out on the cruise. Scuba I got certified at home before this trip. Bring your card; they did ask for mine. They have 2 dives a day; 9 AM (deep dive) and 11:30 AM (shallow & class dive). We arranged for one 1:30 PM dive during the week with some haggling. The deep dives are generally about 60 feet; the shallow dives about 20. I did the 11:30 AM dive first to learn the boat procedures. The 9 AM dives were the best. The 11:30AM dives were crowded with the resort scuba class. The dive masters and crew were safety conscience. They kept the dive times in the 30 minute range, rehearsed dive signals each dive, assigned buddies, did safety stops. First person to hit 1000 PSI and the dive was over. Exactly what I wanted being new to the diving scene. It was a great place to go if you were recently certified; I got 7 dives in. The staff were good and fun to be with. Norman and Llyod are the senior staff and do the PADI classes and class dives. Randy and Keith took out the certified divers at 9. The boat crew Valentine and Andy made sure all the gear was on the boat for the dives. You signed up a day ahead for the dive and they placed the BCD (small, medium, large) and tank on the boat for you. You picked up your weight belt, fins etc. and took them to the boat. On return you took them back to the Scuba hut and signed up for the next day. They had mask defogger on the boat (I think it was Lemon Joy). Their equipment was in fair to good condition. I would bring your own mask, snorkel and fins. Their fins were not very stiff and I had trouble at times getting my size because the snorkelers had checked them out. BCD and regulators were well used but were fine. They video tape the 9 o'clock dives and then sell you the tapes for $30. They also offer the certified divers PADI Advanced Diver training. This was my first time doing warm water diving and it was a breeze compared to Puget Sound. Water temperature was 80+ degrees. I wore a dive skin but didn't need it; it gave me abrasion protection but I didn't need that either. We had clear and calm water. People that were there the week before had some surge, waves and stronger currents. It was like an aquarium for us. Saw sea turtles, arrow crabs, lobster, eels, mostly smaller colorful fish, lots of sponges and coral. Best dives for me were Shark Reef, Turtle Bay and Throne Room. Tim Air Back to Montego Bay We used the concierge to arrange our return flight to Montego Bay. The flight was scheduled for 12 noon; we left the GL at 11:45. The Negril Airport has expanded some since our last visit. Air Jamaica Express had a large hut at the airport; TimAir still had their smaller building. The TimAir plane was there right on time and we were off to MoBay. Flight was a scenic 20 minutes. Cost was $137 for both of us; one way to MoBay. I like it! Plan on tipping the baggage handlers on both ends. Phone Calls We had difficulty placing calls to home. We never successfully made an MCI Card call without getting MCI Customer Service involved. Our card kept coming up as not valid but within the US it was valid. MCI didn't know if it had to do with the area code changes in Puget Sound, Jamaica, blocked card calls (fraud control) from the Caribbean or what. We got bounced from automated service, to operators, to customer service. MCI customer service did fiddle around with it and both time just forced the call through. But it took 10's of minutes and lots of button pushes (over and over again) to call home. I hear long distance within Jamaica is frightfully expensive be careful you don't connect over a long distance line to your card provider. Call your service provider before the trip to understand the current situation. Conclusion We continue to recommend GL. They deliver a good product for people that want a classy, relaxing vacation. It is laid back; not the party crowd of Hedo but still fun. The water, beaches, buildings and grounds were immaculate. SCUBA added a new dimension for me. The food was good to excellent and plentiful all day and night. The staff was charming and helpful; if you wanted it just ask. Next time we'll shoot for 10 days.
We've been looking forward to the honeymoon, thinking of it as a perfect ending to a flawless ceremony at St. Juliana church, and perfect reception at The Breakers hotel in Palm Beach. The impression from the travel literature (and the price) is an all-inclusive Ritz- Carlton, replete with exquisite food and exotic tropical refreshments. I should have remembered that it was after all an advertisement. The flight was less than two hours, and the food was palatable. After landing, we walked through an empty airport (it was only 8:30 AM) to the SuperClubs desk, where we waited for our car to arrive. We politely refused the porter's offer to carry our bags, and walked the whole thirty feet ourselves to the waiting cab. The drive was quite scenic, and the driver pointed out landmarks and talked about Jamaica. The entrance to Grand Lido was beautiful, with lush grounds, open air walkway, and fountains. They seated us and offered us champagne (a very average Moet) and orange juice while we filled out the various forms, and told us that orientation was to take place at 5pm in the piano bar. We were then escorted to our rooms to wait for our bags. My travel agent had requested a bottle of champagne, flowers, and chocolate to be in the room when we arrived. About fifteen minutes after we walked in our room, a warm bottle of champagne and a bucket of ice were delivered, with a card that read "Irene, I love muchly - Rick". We decided to take a look around while it chilled. We went straight to the beach bar to get a drink. Since it was warm and very humid (it had just finished storming for the last 24 hours) we asked for a rum runner. I don't know if the woman behind the bar was part of the normal bartending staff (she wasn't wearing the traditional colored vest) but it took a couple of attempts to order the drink. She would start to clean the blender, then forget about us and start doing some- thing else. Eventually we got our drinks, and they were terrible. TIP: Always specify a top-shelf brand of liquor. Otherwise, you will be served brands such as Vostok vodka, and Galleon rum. We walked the length of the beach, and ordered new drinks at the main bar, this time asking for strawberry daiquiris. I was still assuming they used top-shelf liquors for the drinks, so we got the same Galleon rum that ruined the last drinks. The daiquiri mix was a radioactive pink color that I've never seen before, and not too sure I trust as a food coloring or flavoring. After strolling to the Timber House bar, we traded them in for beer. TIP: don't ask for any particular beer. All they have is Red Stripe on tap. From then on, all we asked for were mimosas, beer, well drinks, (making sure to ask for the top-shelf liquor) and shots. The bartenders in the piano bar and the disco seemed to know their stuff, I don't think the others were bartenders by trade. There were many employees around, fixing and cleaning. Well, some of them were. Many were lounging around. I noticed a lot of maintenance and cleaning that needed to be done if it was to pass as a four-star hotel. The landscaping, however, was beautiful (watch out for fire ants, though, on the c/o side's back garden; one of them took a piece out of me). While we were gone, the flower arrangement was delivered to the room. It came with the same cryptic card as the champagne. The chocolate never did arrive. At 12:30 we went to lunch, and picked through the buffet. It was decent, and with the abundance of dishes we found enough to satisfy us. The afternoon passed uneventfully (it was still too cloudy to go to the beach or pool) until it was time for orientation. On arriving at the piano bar, we were told it had been moved because they were recarpeting the bar (I guess no one told the rest of the staff). We went down to the front desk, and they were as surprised as we were. They then we arrived, and gave us the itinerary for the week. We saw a few things we would have liked to do that day, but of course had missed. We went back to the room, our mood steadily darkening. Dinner time found us at La Pasta. The place is decorated with strands of garlic bulbs, which is a shame as they should have put it in the food. Irene had what they described as a seafood medley in a marinara sauce, but we were hard pressed to find any of the shellfish listed, just bits of fish. We then spent the evening looking for any nightlife, and after finding none, we returned to the room at midnight. Day two found us out on the beach. We retreated indoors during the daily rainstorm, and found that it must be cheaper to mop than to fix the roofs. Every room in the main complex had an enormous puddle after the storm, and you couldn't even walk in to the gift shop without walking right through one. We decided to get a Hedonism II itinerary, so we would know the best time to get a day pass. We asked someone at the front desk, and they said they didn't have any, we'd have to get one from Hedonism. I hinted that they should call and obtain one for me, but they insisted that I had to make the call to have it faxed, or go pick one up. After trying to call and having the phone ring over twenty times (BTW, we were charged for the call) their PBX disconnected me. I was pretty miffed at this, that with the high service image that they try to project, they couldn't have gotten it for us. Eventually we got it ourselves when we tried to do the tour of Hedonism. It turns out they only give tours at 11am and 3pm, and we were late (another little thing that GL didn't inform us of when we asked about the tours). I suppose I should try to summarize the rest. Food: The room service menu is fixed and limited, as it comes from whichever house (a bar/kitchen/hot tub) is closest to you. La Pasta is passable (like an Olive Garden restaurant) but without any Italian spices in the food. Piacere is touted as a great French restaurant, but I didn't think much of it, and can find a half dozen better than it within Palm Beach county alone. Cafe Lido is probably the best, as it doesn't make any pretentions, and serves decent food. Service is excellent at all of them, except it is excruciatingly slow at La Pasta. Jamaican cooking is spicy, but none made it into the food that GL served. Drinks: See above. Don't order anything more complicated than a top- shelf well drink except at the disco or piano bar. Nightlife: Not much, but the piano bar can be fun. Be sure to go to the pajama party in the disco on Thursday night. It was fun, and after a couple of rounds of flaming Bob Marleys, a few couples made a hot tub run. Many of the staff, especially security, seemed to know us on sight the following day :-) You won't be allowed in the PJ party except in sleepwear. We couldn't figure out why people would be shy about showing up in their underwear, they were wearing a lot less on the beach that afternoon. Daylife: You must register for scuba diving the previous day. They have all the equipment you need, but I brought my own mask and fins. The water was warm enough in early October to not need a wet suit. The dives are one tank dives. Kayaks and sailing is available, and they will tow you in if you can't make it back by yourself. There is only one water skiing boat, so you usually have about five people ahead of you. Parasailing is available from a vendor right off site for about $30 US. Humorous observation: The main cabin of the M/Y Zein has a framed letter from the Prince of Monaco's social secretary, thanking them for inviting the Prince to visit Grand Lido and his old yacht. He said that if the Prince was ever in Jamaica he might grace them with a visit. I know we posted our bag-letters in college (one page rejection letters from employers) but I didn't think GL would post theirs! From talking to the other guests who've been to Sandals, Club Med, etc., I learned that Grand Lido is the best. In my opinion, you do not get what you pay for. For less than what my wife and I paid, we could have gotten the same thing with better food and stayed at the Breakers, the Ritz-Carlton, or other hotels that are part of The Leading Hotels of the World (TM). A couple we met agreed with me, saying that someone is making a fortune off of the SuperClubs chain. Today I found out a friend of mine knows the family that owns it (she works out with one of them) and says that they have more money than Switzerland. Too bad they don't put some of it back into the business, I think Grand Lido has a lot of potential. If I ever return, I would try Hedonism II. The food will probably be just as good, it will cost less, and there will be more to do. As the author of the Discworld books, Terry Pratchett wrote in _Eric_: "...(It was) a particularly high brand of boredom which is like the boredom you get which a) is costing you money, and b) is taking place while you should be having a nice time."
My husband and I recently returned from our honeymoon, which was also our first trip to the Caribbean. We spent 8 nights at the Grand Lido SuperClub resort in Negril, Jamaica, and 11 nights at Long Bay Beach Resort in Tortola, Virgin Islands. I've divided this very long write-up into four sections: - Suggestions if you're going - Particularly good features or amenities of the resort - Features or amenities that were okay but not that special - Cautions, comments, and other considerations Disclaimer: This is all from memory and is, as I said, my impressions. Before I launch into details, here's a summary: Not perfect, but very, very, good. We'd go there again in a minute. Beautiful resort, exceptional setting, excellent food and amenities. It's very expensive -- in the neighborhood of $500/day for two. Suggestions Don't overpack. Don't bring warm clothes; you just won't need them. You might want to bring a nice outfit -- there is one formal restaurant at Grand Lido for which you are supposed to dress. Bring surf booties! You can buy them at dive shops. These are neoprene foot coverings that will allow you to walk on non-sandy ocean bottoms safely, i.e., without cutting your feet up on rock or coral, or the ubiquitous spiny urchins. Bring good slip-on thongs. Instead of bringing my old blue $3 "flip- flops", I splurged $20 at the dive shop at the last minute to buy a sturdy pair of thongs. I was so glad I did -- they were practically the only footwear I used. If you plan to snorkel (highly recommend), consider bringing your own fins, mask, and snorkel. Then they'll fit right, you won't be dependent on the hours that the water sports office is open, and you won't have to wonder how well the mouthpiece was sterilized. But remember, you have to pack them to bring them! Bring lots of sunscreen. We used at least 4 oz. per day -- and we didn't sunbathe. It seemed to cost about double there what it did in the U.S. If you want to scuba, strongly consider getting certified before arriving. Then you can go right out on the many novice dive trips without waiting to take the resort course. Scuba is a great freebie and I wish we had been able to do more dives during our stay. If you *do* take the resort course there (it's included and it's very well done), sign up as soon as you arrive, and then show up early the day of the class. We got bumped once because the class was overbooked. Also, if you are going on to another resort, be sure to get the two-week certification card they are supposed to give you! Also reserve early if you want to eat at La Piacere, the elegant French restaurant. You are expected to dress up to eat here; jackets are required for men. If you prefer nude sunbathing, consider requesting a room on the nude side of the resort when you make your reservation. (Not that it's a long walk to either beach from any of the rooms.) You might want to consider buying SPF-rated clothing if you want to minimize sun exposure. At the last minute, we had what were essentially a couple of SPF-30 rated long-sleeved T-shirts overnighted to us. I think the company was called Sun Precautions, out of Everett, WA. The shirts were not cheap but they are much lighter and dry a lot faster than regular T-shirts, and we wore them a lot. Notably Good Features The following are the kinds of things that make one eager to go back to Grand Lido. It has a wonderful location. Whereas most Negril resorts are strung side by side on the famous "7 mile beach", Grand Lido is separated from the rest by a point of land, so that it occupies an almost private bay. The relative isolation and the uncrowded feeling this gives are delightful. Sunsets were beautiful from our beachside room. It has an excellent, spacious nude beach. (However, you definitely need surf booties to walk in the water there.) If your room is on the nude side, you can walk right out the (patio) door and onto the beach au naturel. There is a nice though small nude pool with a poolside bar, and a nude hot tub. There is also a large, crescent-shaped clothed beach that is postcard pretty. Here the ocean bottom is soft sand, so you don't even need your surf booties. (I did get stung by a jellyfish here, but booties wouldn't have made a difference.) You can wade out for maybe 100 yards in the 80-degree water before getting in up to your neck. I think the stinging jellyfish are a rarity -- I wasn't aware of any other stings occurring. There is very good snorkeling along the rocks right off the nude beach. You'll be surprised at how much life there is five feet offshore. We ended up doing more independent snorkeling than any other activity. We were happy we had our own equipment and our SPF shirts. The clothed pool is large and attractive, with an adjoining hot tub. And there are several other hot tubs -- next to their own 24-hour bars. Pools are open 24 hours, too. Most non-motorized water sports are included, both instruction and equipment: scuba dives (resort course free; PADI certification available at extra charge), snorkeling trips, glass-bottom boat, kayak, pedal boats, Sunfish sailboats, wind surfing. There is excellent food, and *way* too much of it :-) Breakfast and lunch are huge buffets. Dinner is buffet and/or at one of the three restaurants. Friday is a gala buffet with an enjoyable dinner show. Most of the food is European/American, with a few Jamaican dishes thrown in. Great desserts. The wait staff is quite pleasant. There's 24 hour room service (limited menu) in case you weren't stuffed enough already. All drinks -- soft, wine, liquor -- are included. As far as I could tell (we hardly drink), they use the popular liquor brands and not off-brands. There are great comfortable mats, excellent for lounging or floating, free for the taking around the pools and beaches. Ditto big fluffy yellow towels. It sounds minor, but having these things at hand just made relaxing so effortless. Many people seemed to spend their whole time sunning, floating, and sipping the free drinks. I envied their perfect tans, even if I should know better :-) The rooms have cable TV, including CNN and the Playboy channel, and air conditioning. Our oceanfront room was right on the beach and had a lovely view. At the two fancier restaurants, they have photographers who come by offering to take your picture, but there's absolutely no pressure to buy. This made it fun to get our pictures taken. The proofs are available to look at the next day. Laundry and dry cleaning are included -- no charge. There's no tipping! I loved not having to worry about whom to tip, when, or how much. There's pleasant musical entertainment in the attractive, open-air main buffet area every day at lunch and dinner, and in at least one of the restaurants. We joked that every band's repertoire consisted of the same 40 popular songs, though. There's a dance floor in the main buffet area if the spirit moves you. The grounds are beautifully landscaped (much prettier than Hedonism II, which we toured) and so well kept that my husband compared the place with Disneyland :-) There's a complimentary manicure available. We didn't take advantage of it, but many others (including men) did. Again, reserve early. The following amenities sound good, but we didn't try them: There are a number of tennis courts. They looked very nice, except that it seemed kind of hot for tennis :-). I think green fees at a nearby golf course are also included, but not clubs or caddy fees. And there is supposedly a "chaperoned" bike tour; i.e., you must go out with a staff member. Okay Features The following were features of the resort that, while good on the whole, I thought left something to be desired in their execution. Laundry: It's free, which is great, but don't send in anything you treasure. Most of our items came back just fine, but a couple were returned slightly stained without comment, and pair of my husband's walking shorts didn't come back at all. The explanation, when we called, was that they had been washed with some clothes that caused a stain, and that they would be returned as soon as the stain was removed. After several days of no action, we asked for the shorts back regardless. They really were too stained to keep. No reimbursement was offered. Exercise room: It's open to the air, so kind of warm to really work out in. On the aerobic side they had two stair machines, a treadmill, and several cycles. On the weight side, the Nautilus equipment is somewhat old and funky. There were pretty limited official hours (closed at 4), but since it has no door, I'm not sure how much these are enforced :-) There are also daily yoga and aerobics classes which I didn't take, and at least one "power walk" per day. Game room: We actually had a lot of fun there, playing pool at one of the two tables almost every day. But the area tables are in is inadequately ventilated and gets stiflingly hot. Also, they didn't quite have two complete sets of balls! Other games available were ping-pong (one day there was only one ball between the two tables, though), "foosball", backgammon, air hockey (broken the whole time we were there), chess and checkers, table shuffleboard, and some board games. There were also some slot machines that we didn't play. Although the food service staff is generally very friendly, the game room staff seemed indifferent. I think they were mostly there to make change for the slot machines. Library: A nice enough room, but kept way too cold. It contains a minimal set of paperback books, some in English. Also a number of videos, including fairly recent American movies, in locked cases. Presumably you can check them out to view in the video room. Video room: It's not a bad room; tiers of cushions around a big screen. We didn't see any information on how to reserve it, though. The couple of times we wondered in, it seemed to be occupied by one or two staff members watching one gory movie or another. Rooms: Spacious and comfortable, but not luxurious. In ours, the bathtub faucet spurted water onto the floor and the tub drained so poorly the maid kept taking the whole drain plug out. Nice rooms, just not the kind you rave about. Social events and parties: The attractive young "social directors", led various events for guest participation, from dance contests and lessons to parties. We thought they ranged from fairly enjoyable to excruciating. These are really a pretty minor part of the Grand Lido experience. Cautions, comments and considerations This is not the place to go if your goal is to experience real Jamaican society. My husband has told a number of people, "We went to a great resort -- that happened to be in Jamaica". Also don't go here if you you're looking for a wild social life (but if you end up here anyway, try the Thursday night "PJ party"). Go to that other SuperClub, Hedonism II, whose entrance is right across the street. Although the other guests were friendly enough at Grand Lido, the place seems much more suited to people who bring their companions with them. There were lots of honeymoon couples. Speaking of which, forget concerns about the clientele all being really old, or the resort being too ritzy. There were many couples in their early twenties, and casual dress was the order of the day, though a few people dressed up a bit, especially at night. Grand Lido accepts guests over the age of 16 only. Smoking is allowed in the restaurants, except for La Piacere. I am so unused to indoor smoking by now that I found this really annoying! The dreaded bus ride from Montego Bay airport was not so bad after all. Yes, people drive somewhat fast, and there's a lot at the roadside for the driver to avoid -- people, dogs, goats, other vehicles -- but it was really not hard to take. It took about 90 minutes and we enjoyed seeing some of the country. By the way, while there's no tipping at the resort itself, the bus drivers do expect to be tipped. The resort's yacht, Aristotle Onassis' Zein, is said to be gorgeous. Unfortunately it was out of commission while we were there (until August '96). Its substitute was an unremarkable covered craft. So the sunset cruise was just pleasant. It did give us a chance to see the 7 mile beach. Prices are high at the Grand Lido shops. They charged something like $1.30 each for postcards that cost about 40 cents at Hedonism II (okay, so this included a 25-cent-equivalent postcard stamp). You can shop at Hedonism II by prior arrangement with the concierge, though security there is such that I always felt like I was crossing a border when we went there. Service sometimes broke down a bit. On a number of occasions all the poolside towel stations were empty, so that after a few days we took to keeping a couple in our room. Room service forgot some items, even after being reminded. We were supposedly awarded a bottle of rum in a dance contest, but it never arrived. Soft drinks are typically served with so much ice that they're pretty watery. If you venture beyond the insulation of the resort, for example by walking onto the adjacent (undeveloped and usually fairly empty) public beach, by swimming beyond the resort bounds, or even by floating on mats near the boundary markers in the water, locals will approach you (by water, if necessary) trying to sell you something. They can be pretty persistent. I found it unsettling to have to keep dealing with this. On the other hand, some of the guests took up some of the offers, one notable example being a popular water "sleigh ride" on what looked like a multi-passenger banana! A corollary were the (rare) visitors who stopped their watercraft just beyond the nude beach boundaries to gawk or make mildly annoying remarks. They were ignored. There are no motorized water craft made available to guests by the resort. Water skiing and jet skis are available through the aforementioned visiting entrepreneurs, or the hotel will refer you to places that rent motorized craft. The water-sports office, from which you got all the water equipment, closed at 4 pm, I think. Although it's an all-inclusive resort, you do have the opportunity to spend money on extras such as tours. The only one we took was a "shopping tour" at $12 per person. For this sum, a bus took a group of us to two shopping stops. The first was a cluster of small storefront shops selling "local crafts" -- tie-dyed clothes, wooden carvings, woven items, jewelry, baskets, and the like. The vendors really glommed onto you, and I'm uncomfortable with that, so it was hard to shop there. The second was a regular outdoor concrete shopping mall, with lots of T-shirt and souvenir shops plus a supermarket, pharmacy, and so on. Kind of like being in the U.S. Every place we went, including the cafe at the airport, took U.S. money, and at the mall many things were priced that way. Also, FYI, there's a 15% sales tax in Jamaica.
Grand Lido visit #7 the first week of July 96 was a 5 novel visit -- my record is 7 for a 8 night stay. More to the point, this vacation at GL was among the best that we have taken. Last year we were at GL in early April, a week after a labor dispute that led to most GL workers losing their jobs due to an illegal wildcat strike action. Service then was ragged as you might expect with an all new work force. Not this year -- service was really very good. Room service orders were delivered within 30 minutes and the employees were very attentive in the restaurants and at the buffets. GL is back! After 7 visits, it is hard to write something unique. I am going to hit some of the highlights and give some personal views on Grand Lido as it exists in 1996: Rooms and Facilities: We once again were assigned room 1059 and found that it had been completely redecorated since our last visit -- a good thing since GL was beginning to get a little ragged around the edges. In fact, there seems to be a general upgrading going on. The buffet area is being completely redone with new service areas -- the amount of work being done is impressive and the serving area will be even nicer than before. It is supposed to be done by the end of summer. In addition, the area above the buffet is getting a new roof. Beaches: We were on the clothing optional beach -- again the word is optional. About two thirds of the folks were going "optional" but the rest were not and there was never any pressure on them to go "optional." GL mellow reigned! We had an active crowd this year -- plenty of long volleyball games in the pool. There was more to see in the water this year -- we saw puffer fish, rays, small barracudas and other fish. Other people saw sea snakes although we never did -- and we tried to find the darlings! They are apparently harmless and in our many visits to GL we have never heard of anyone being harmed by them. On the point above this beach is a new facility -- a wedding gazebo which on one day saw a total of 7 weddings! It seemed like everyone at GL was getting married. With the exception of the Sundays we were at GL, there was at least one wedding every day. We went over to the larger beach several times to partake of water sports (and in the case of my wife to shop at the stands put up by local folks). This beach was also very active with beach volley ball and other activities. The activities directors spent a lot of time on this beach organizing activities. Meals: I am no gourmet but always enjoy our dining experiences at GL. We ate dinner twice at La Pasta -- both meals were very good and unlike previous years the service was very prompt. We ate three times at my favorite GL restaurant -- Cafe Lido. Again, the meals were very good and the service was excellent. We could not get a reservation for Piacere, GL's acclaimed French restaurant, until the last Sunday of our stay -- even though I made my reservations the Monday before. A word to the wise -- make your Piacere reservations as early as possible. The meal was wonderful -- the cinnamon apple creme brulee we had for dessert was worth the trip to GL all by itself. We also ate at the two dinner buffets -- the Island Buffet and the Grand Buffet on Friday. GL's weak point in my opinion are its dinner buffets and its lunch buffets -- I don't think they are very well done. In my experience, Club Med does a much better job. GL's breakfast buffet was fine, however. At lunchtime, I sometimes would sit with my wife while she ate and then we would go over to the Timberhouse where I could order my lunch off the room service menu. A new feature this year was a 4th of July barbecue lunch on the clothing optional beach -- right outside our room's patio. It was very good and certainly convenient. Weather: Almost perfect. On Monday and Tuesday we had threatening weather all day with thunder and lightening in the distance but we never got wet unless we went into the water. Most of Wednesday was sunny with again some threatening weather late in the afternoon. Thursday, Friday and Saturday were perfect -- sunny and warm with a slight cooling breeze in the late afternoon. Sunday morning was again sunny but about 3 p.m. we had a big rain storm with impressive thunder and lightening. No problem, mon! We just sat outside under the protection of our patio. What a life! On our last Monday, the weather was again beautiful in the morning -- which made our afternoon trip to the airport a little harder to take. Entertainment: We are early to bed and early to rise types so entertainment is not high on our list. Nevertheless, GL had its usual musical acts at 9:30 every evening. The PJ party this year was apparently very well attended given the discussions we heard on the beach the next day. A special feature for us this year was the "invasion" on the 4th of July by the Hedonism II folks -- including Hedo staffers dressed up in what looked like green leprechaun costumes (???) who acted as the musical band accompanying Hedo guests who were not dressed in much of anything! They paraded throughout the GL grounds -- they had fun and the GL guests had fun watching them. A different kind of 4th of July, SuperClubs' style. Clothing: A lot of potential visitors to GL are put off by the fancy clothes worn by models in the GL brochure. GL seems to be getting a little more liberal with its policies for Cafe Lido -- they say you are not supposed to wear shorts there but we saw quite a few folks doing so. I got along fine at Cafe Lido with dockers and polo shirts. For Piacere I wore a sports coat and slacks -- no tie. For La Pasta, the stated dress code allows shorts to be worn and that is what I had on for both dinners. For the breakfast and lunch buffets, swim suits with cover ups work just fine. Other notes: We ran into several folks who combined their GL visit with a visit to the new Braco Village resort. Their conclusion was that GL and Braco Village are quite different but both very good at what they do. We think that next time we go to Jamaica that we will go for 10 days with 3 days at Braco (to give it a try) and 7 days at GL. Conclusion: GL is back to a high level of service. We loved our 7th visit there and will be back again.
We've been looking forward to the honeymoon, thinking of it as a perfect ending to a flawless ceremony at St. Juliana church, and perfect reception at The Breakers hotel in Palm Beach. The impression from the travel literature (and the price) is an all-inclusive Ritz- Carlton, replete with exquisite food and exotic tropical refreshments. I should have remembered that it was after all an advertisement. The flight was less than two hours, and the food was palatable. After landing, we walked through an empty airport (it was only 8:30 AM) to the SuperClubs desk, where we waited for our car to arrive. We politely refused the porter's offer to carry our bags, and walked the whole thirty feet ourselves to the waiting cab. The drive was quite scenic, and the driver pointed out landmarks and talked about Jamaica. The entrance to Grand Lido was beautiful, with lush grounds, open air walkway, and fountains. They seated us and offered us champagne (a very average Moet) and orange juice while we filled out the various forms, and told us that orientation was to take place at 5pm in the piano bar. We were then escorted to our rooms to wait for our bags. My travel agent had requested a bottle of champagne, flowers, and chocolate to be in the room when we arrived. About fifteen minutes after we walked in our room, a warm bottle of champagne and a bucket of ice were delivered, with a card that read "Irene, I love muchly - Rick". We decided to take a look around while it chilled. We went straight to the beach bar to get a drink. Since it was warm and very humid (it had just finished storming for the last 24 hours) we asked for a rum runner. I don't know if the woman behind the bar was part of the normal bartending staff (she wasn't wearing the traditional colored vest) but it took a couple of attempts to order the drink. She would start to clean the blender, then forget about us and start doing some- thing else. Eventually we got our drinks, and they were terrible. TIP: Always specify a top-shelf brand of liquor. Otherwise, you will be served brands such as Vostok vodka, and Galleon rum. We walked the length of the beach, and ordered new drinks at the main bar, this time asking for strawberry daiquiris. I was still assuming they used top-shelf liquors for the drinks, so we got the same Galleon rum that ruined the last drinks. The daiquiri mix was a radioactive pink color that I've never seen before, and not too sure I trust as a food coloring or flavoring. After strolling to the Timber House bar, we traded them in for beer. TIP: don't ask for any particular beer. All they have is Red Stripe on tap. From then on, all we asked for were mimosas, beer, well drinks, (making sure to ask for the top-shelf liquor) and shots. The bartenders in the piano bar and the disco seemed to know their stuff, I don't think the others were bartenders by trade. There were many employees around, fixing and cleaning. Well, some of them were. Many were lounging around. I noticed a lot of maintenance and cleaning that needed to be done if it was to pass as a four-star hotel. The landscaping, however, was beautiful (watch out for fire ants, though, on the c/o side's back garden; one of them took a piece out of me). While we were gone, the flower arrangement was delivered to the room. It came with the same cryptic card as the champagne. The chocolate never did arrive. At 12:30 we went to lunch, and picked through the buffet. It was decent, and with the abundance of dishes we found enough to satisfy us. The afternoon passed uneventfully (it was still too cloudy to go to the beach or pool) until it was time for orientation. On arriving at the piano bar, we were told it had been moved because they were recarpeting the bar (I guess no one told the rest of the staff). We went down to the front desk, and they were as surprised as we were. They then told us that we should have been given an orientation when we arrived, and gave us the itinerary for the week. We saw a few things we would have liked to do that day, but of course had missed. We went back to the room, our mood steadily darkening. Dinner time found us at La Pasta. The place is decorated with strands of garlic bulbs, which is a shame as they should have put it in the food. Irene had what they described as a seafood medley in a marinara sauce, but we were hard pressed to find any of the shellfish listed, just bits of fish. We then spent the evening looking for any nightlife, and after finding none, we returned to the room at midnight. Day two found us out on the beach. We retreated indoors during the daily rainstorm, and found that it must be cheaper to mop than to fix the roofs. Every room in the main complex had an enormous puddle after the storm, and you couldn't even walk in to the gift shop without walking right through one. We decided to get a Hedonism II itinerary, so we would know the best time to get a day pass. We asked someone at the front desk, and they said they didn't have any, we'd have to get one from Hedonism. I hinted that they should call and obtain one for me, but they insisted that I had to make the call to have it faxed, or go pick one up. After trying to call and having the phone ring over twenty times (BTW, we were charged for the call) their PBX disconnected me. I was pretty miffed at this, that with the high service image that they try to project, they couldn't have gotten it for us. Eventually we got it ourselves when we tried to do the tour of Hedonism. It turns out they only give tours at 11am and 3pm, and we were late (another little thing that GL didn't inform us of when we asked about the tours). I suppose I should try to summarize the rest. Food: The room service menu is fixed and limited, as it comes from whichever house (a bar/kitchen/hot tub) is closest to you. La Pasta is passable (like an Olive Garden restaurant) but without any Italian spices in the food. Piacere is touted as a great French restaurant, but I didn't think much of it, and can find a half dozen better than it within Palm Beach county alone. Cafe Lido is probably the best, as it doesn't make any pretentions, and serves decent food. Service is excellent at all of them, except it is excruciatingly slow at La Pasta. Jamaican cooking is spicy, but none made it into the food that GL served. Drinks: See above. Don't order anything more complicated than a top- shelf well drink except at the disco or piano bar. Nightlife: Not much, but the piano bar can be fun. Be sure to go to the pajama party in the disco on Thursday night. It was fun, and after a couple of rounds of flaming Bob Marleys, a few couples made a hot tub run. Many of the staff, especially security, seemed to know us on sight the following day :-) You won't be allowed in the PJ party except in sleepwear. We couldn't figure out why people would be shy about showing up in their underwear, they were wearing a lot less on the beach that afternoon. Daylife: You must register for scuba diving the previous day. They have all the equipment you need, but I brought my own mask and fins. The water was warm enough in early October to not need a wet suit. The dives are one tank dives. Kayaks and sailing is available, and they will tow you in if you can't make it back by yourself. There is only one water skiing boat, so you usually have about five people ahead of you. Parasailing is available from a vendor right off site for about $30 US. Humorous observation: The main cabin of the M/Y Zein has a framed letter from the Prince of Monaco's social secretary, thanking them for inviting the Prince to visit Grand Lido and his old yacht. He said that if the Prince was ever in Jamaica he might grace them with a visit. I know we posted our bag-letters in college (one page rejection letters from employers) but I didn't think GL would post theirs! From talking to the other guests who've been to Sandals, Club Med, etc., I learned that Grand Lido is the best. In my opinion, you do not get what you pay for. For less than what my wife and I paid, we could have gotten the same thing with better food and stayed at the Breakers, the Ritz-Carlton, or other hotels that are part of The Leading Hotels of the World (TM). A couple we met agreed with me, saying that someone is making a fortune off of the SuperClubs chain. Today I found out a friend of mine knows the family that owns it (she works out with one of them) and says that they have more money than Switzerland. Too bad they don't put some of it back into the business, I think Grand Lido has a lot of potential. If I ever return, I would try Hedonism II. The food will probably be just as good, it will cost less, and there will be more to do. As the author of the Discworld books, Terry Pratchett wrote in _Eric_: "...(It was) a particularly high brand of boredom which is like the boredom you get which a) is costing you money, and b) is taking place while you should be having a nice time."
We recently returned from five fantastic days at Grand Lido and have several suggestions/comments for those who might wish to visit. First, if your travel agent offers Air Jamaica, don't worry. We flew from Atlanta to Montego Bay on a fairly new A310 and enjoyed attentive service, great food, free champagne and wine. The plane had a global positioning system integrated with a television that always depicted the craft's position. Flights (to and from) left and arrived right on schedule. With Air Jam; no problem mon. Our first mistakes were arriving too late in the day (arrived in Montego Bay at 3:05PM) and taking the bus. Although we cleared Jamaican customs quickly, the bus ride didn't get us to Grand Lido until about 5:30PM. That's a quarter of a day in paradise lost. Riding the bus was also a bad decision. The ride is long and depressing over roads that have not been maintained. If the least bit prone to car sickness, take pills. When we returned from Negril to Montego Bay, we took TimAir. It was great; 15 minute ride in a Cessna 182. When we return, we'll take the Air Charter both ways. Apparently a new subsidiary called Air Jamaica Express will soon be starting service from Montego Bay to Negril. By the by; don't expect a modern airfield in Negril. Check in at Grand Lido was uneventful. We were offered drinks and then promptly taken to our room with bags arriving only moments later. Hit the bay's water soon after arriving (fantastic!) and then in the hot tub by 6:30PM. It was hot too! However, everyone around the tub was very friendly and soon we got to know many of the people visiting. Many more Europeans were visiting than we had expected. In particular, a large number of Russians were on vacation at Grand Lido. Nokia, the cellular telephone company, was sponsoring an event which drew many Europeans to the resort. We were particularly impressed with the beach and early mornings were fantastic. I loved getting up early about 6AM, getting a cup of Blue Mountain coffee at the poolside beach house (and watering it down) and then watching the aquatic life in the bay. A Manta-Ray apparently called part of the beach home and every day would swim in so close that I feared the tide might wash him ashore. Jamaican fishermen also worked the waters of the bay right off the beach. I found the peace and quiet of the early mornings particularly enjoyable. By 9:00AM or so, many persons were at the beach. The numerous lounge chairs were great and the thick cushions doubled as water floats. Many of us simply relaxed by floating around the bay on a seat cushion. Grand Lido had erected a barrier to separate boats and people which worked well to keep guests from floating too far out if they dozed off on a float. Surprisingly, even after hearing the ganga stories from around the internet, we never saw anyone trying to sell drugs from the boats or anywhere else. The only commercial activities on the water came from persons selling jet ski time. If you wanted to get high, the bar would give you as much champagne as you wanted and boy does it sneak up on you with a vengeance (caution!!). After reading stories on the internet or Caribbean Travel Roundup, I fear that one's expectations about Grand Lido can be overblown. As a physical facility it's great; but no better than many resorts in the US. The food is fine but again, many places in the US have food just as good. What's great is the ambiance of Grand Lido which can only be described as surreal. The magic comes by doing the things that you want to do; meeting lots of nice new people, and watching the cultures of North Americans, Europeans, Orientals, etc., come together. The c.o. and textile beaches give guests ample opportunity to try new things. Even on the "textile" beach, one should expect to see topless women perhaps even in a thong. Surprisingly, after a while, no one seems to notice. The same is not true in the c.o. section of the resort. Many in this area take full advantage of the c.o. status and will walk between their rooms, the bar, pool/hot tub and the beach au natural. Persons offended by such should be careful in their choice of rooms. Interestingly, many weddings were held in a large gazebo type of building near the c.o. beach. Wedding shots taken at the right angle could have an interesting background. The other side of the c.o. beach features a pier for trips to the yacht. Again, many on the pier would gaze off onto the c.o. beach while awaiting the yacht. Speaking of the My Zein, it was out of service during our visit and replaced by a smaller craft. Some seemed to mind the change. Staying at Grand Lido is not all easy; there are decisions to be made like do I want to get up from the beach and get a drink or wait for Carl to come by and take orders. Carl makes a mean Pina Colada; generally, we let him stay at the bar as you want to get some exercise while on vacation. But it gets tougher. At lunch time, do you want to walk over for the buffet or call for food to be brought to you on the beach. For some reason, we never left the beach at lunchtime. I've read many comments about the staff. Don't expect a lot of genuine friendliness from the staff. Although some will be very friendly, most can be described as polite and professional. If you do ride the bus, you'll see the incredible poverty of the country. It's only human that many of these people would bear some resentment to the affluence that allows persons to come to Jamaica for holiday. It was very sad to see that some guests treated the staff very badly. Well enough Sociology 101. Summarizing the food facilities; the Pasta Restaurant is great; Cafe Lido better, and the French Restaurant superb. The buffets were also good with an outstanding selection of deserts. The breads may be a little too European for some Americans. If you desire, a limited room service menu is available 24 hours each day. Generally, the portions of food brought to rooms is fairly small. If hungry, order extra food. Most evenings were complete with live entertainment from a Jamaican band. In addition, people could visit the piano bar/karaoke, or the Disco. One night, we listened to a Russian try his voice at country karaoke; Kenny Rogers has nothing to worry about in Moscow. Stayed in the Disco only a few minutes as it was VERY loud. In summary, our trip to Grand Lido was outstanding. We want to join those who keep returning. We met one couple who had been there 7 times. We're already trying to figure out when we can return. On the next trip, we'll arrive on a Saturday and stay for 7 days as the Lido schedule seems to be designed to facilitate that arrangement. If there are any specific questions, feel free to e/mail BRYSON2201@AOL.COM.
(Ed note: the following material is copyrighted by Compuserve's Caribbean Forum Sysop Jim Jordan and is used in the CTR with his permission)
Hedonism -- Revisited (Twentieth Time!) Well, it's time for me to finally prepare yet another in the continuing saga of one man's glorious globe-traveling, foreign forays on his hedonistic hiatus from the cares and woes of a work-a-day world. Yes Dear Heart, this comes after an interminable interval of inaction, during which I had such mundane things to do as to unpack all of my luggage (otherwise known as "bags") of their collection of clothes in need of cleaning and all of my scuba diving equipment in need of a good wash in the soft, clear, pure waters of my native South Carolina. Then, there was all the reading of the voluminous collection of messages and electronic mail from all of my friends and the loyal, lovable members of The Caribbean Travel Forum, and my painful attempts to respond to each personally. That had to be done. So, I hope you will excuse me for being tardy (Gosh, the last time I was "tardy" was way back in the fifth grade and Mrs. Love -- nee Miss Babb -- took me to task right in front of God and all the fifth grade class for doing something or other!) in getting this report compiled, composed, completed and uploaded for y'all's collective edification. <Whew!> Now, unlike all those other members remembering their memoirs on-line and including every single incident that they experienced -- from listing each and every meal and about writing what Joe had for breakfast, to going into detail on how the plane ride was, right down to what time the plane pushed back from the jetway -- I'm not gonna do all that! No sir-ee, Bob! Now, everybody already knows that I go to Hedonism II in Negril, Jamaica! And, everybody, who cares a whit, has already perused my previous prose efforts at providing an account of trip number umpteen, so I don't wanna belabor what has already gone before by trying to top my 50-plus kilobyte trip report of a couple of years ago. Suffice to say that this won't be your "usual" trip report. Instead, I'm gonna make a decided effort to make this less of a trip report and more of a collection of totally unrelated thoughts about my twentieth visit to that heaven of hi-jinx, that paragon of pleasure palaces, that loco location where almost anything's acceptable -- Hedonism II! Yes, you read right -- twenty trips to Hedonism! It may not be any world record, but I'd say it's a damn good average! Hedonism -- AGAIN?? Let me begin by saying that I hadn't planned to go to Hedonism for a third time in nineteen hundred and ninety-six. And, since my last trip had just been in late August and early September, I had no plans of going yet again to Jamaica during the same year. Plus, I'd been invited to spend a week in Anguilla (I was quickly informed that it's pronounced "an-gwee-la" and not "an-GEE-la" as I had thought low these many years!) in February as the guest of a friend, Daryl Gurvey, the section leader of the Anguilla/Statia/Saba section of The Caribbean Travel Forum (who looks strangely like a young-ish Ernest Hemingway -- which explains my frequent use of the nickname "Papa" when referring to Daryl). Anyway, back to my current episodic account. However, with the interval between early September and early February being a FULL five months, I began to develop an acute itch to again feel the tropical sun on my back and the sand between my toes and the sights and sounds of that underwater wonder world of diving in the warm waters of Long Bay. In other words, I was itching mightily to get back to Negril and Hedonism and I wasn't too proud to admit it! That said, I posed the question to my wife Nina, "What would you think about going to Hedonism for a few days in December - prior to the Christmas hubbub? I'd like to get in some diving." Whereupon she rebuffed me with, "I don't want to go and I'd REALLY rather YOU didn't either!" (Hey, what's going on here? We're talking bout a trip to Hedonism for some scuba diving and relaxing! But what can a guy say when in the face of such vehement opposition to a simple scuba diving trip?) I was later faced with the fact that shedd made reservations in July for a trip to Hedonism -- for January! It was supposed to be a surprise birthday gift to me - for my zz-tieth birthday! Yes, Dear Heart, I had inadvertently suggested a trip and there was already one planned! (And, NO, I'm not gonna tell y'all what birthday it was!) Well, it all sorted itself out. She decided that going in January was sorta close to the February trip and she really didn't wanna make two trips to Jamaica and she had Christmas coming up and....and....! The final outcome - I went to Jamaica in December! The Trip - USAir and Timair The trip down on USAir was - predictable. The plane took off from Charlotte and it landed in Montego Bay! Not much else to say bout that! Upon arrival, I cleared immigration and secured my bags from the carousel. I cleared customs with no hitches and hurried over to the Timair counter in the transportation hall for my fourteen minute flight to GNAT and Negril and - Home at Hedonism! Home Again, Home Again! Lordy, am I GLAD to be Home Again -- Amen! I know it sounds trite, but arriving at Hedonism has always had the effect on me of not arriving at a tropical, Jamaican resort but instead, of coming home to a place that really is a home away from home. And, this trip was no different -- there was Sidney Watson and his calypso welcoming band. As soon as Sidney spotted me, the band struck up with the reggae song that Sidney composed in my honor -- "Jamaica Jim, He Come Home"! Now, you tell me that wouldn't warm the cold cockles of anybody's heart? Then, I made my presence known to the attendants at the registration desk. Here I was again given the sad news. "Jamaica Jim! We're sorry, but we had to assign you to a room on the Prude Side!" (This now happens every time I arrive -- it's a li'l game that they play with me, knowing that a Prude Side room assignment is the last place I wanna spend two weeks!) I hurriedly told them that I really thought I might be more welcome at Grand Lido, stood up, turned and started to walk away from the desk. They all laughed and said that they really weren't assigning me to the Prude Side. But they said that there wasn't an available room to be had on the Nude Side in my usual location and they were going to put me in a room slightly removed from there. I would be moved the very next day. The following day, they had somebody move all my belongings to room 2166, at the other end from the usual "Jamaica Jim Suite" -- room 2175 -- which was occupied. But, much to my surprise, room 2166 was a wonderful location and, from now on, I'll request it. It's located directly behind the old beach bar and is the first room in the building on the east end. I found it was really convenient to walk out the door, around the corner and be right on the beach. Plus, this location is somewhat removed from the far end of the beach, where I used to hang out. That end, with the completion of the nude pool complex and bar and grill, is now much more active and I preferred to be slightly away from all the hubbub. It should also be noted that I was not in the room when they moved my belongings. But, I want to say right here and now that the person who did the work, left nothing undone! I had left a quarter and a dime in US coins on one of the bedside tables in my first room. When I realized that my personal articles had already been moved and I went to room 2166, I was amazed -- the quarter and the dime were there -- and they were in the exact same location in the new room that they had occupied in the other one! Friends On most trips, I usually see many folks I've known or seen on prior visits. However, this time I didn't really know anybody, except Mariann Carpenter, a sysop and the co-section leader for the Mexican section on The Caribbean Travel Forum. Mariann had decided on the spur of the moment to take a get- away and knowing I'd be at Hedonism, she had opted to make her first ever visit to the Land of Wood and Water, so she would know at least one other hearty soul. I was delighted by her surprise decision when she decided to be there when I was. I believe she had a good time and found Hedonism to be everything I have said about it, over the years. I also had another nice surprise! One afternoon, I was reading on the beach when one of the water sports attendants came up and told me that Mr. Levee wanted to see me over by the main pier. (Luckily, I had a swim suit in my bag, which I hastily donned and hurried over!) Kevin had three fellows with him and he proceeded to introduce me to them. One -- Allan Juda -- had asked Kevin if he knew where I might be. It seems that Allan had seen my posts on The Caribbean Travel Forum and knew that I was scheduled to be at Hedonism. He told me that he had just wanted to meet me and thank me for all of the interesting information he had gotten from things I'd posted and uploaded about Jamaica and Hedonism! In addition to Allan, I also met his associate, Tony Tilkington, and Roger Mignot an official with the Jamaica Tourist Board in New York City. I told Roger jokingly that he should have Faye Peckersgill -- the director of the JTB -- "appoint" me to an honorary position on the board, representing it in Easley, South Carolina! After all, I do provide publicity to the "Land of Wood and Water" every day! <Chuckle> The First Week's Returnee's Party Some of you may not be aware that it's a tradition for Hedonism to have a weekly cocktail party for returning guests. It's held in the disco each Wednesday evening at about 6:30 PM. Every guest who is at the resort on their second or more trip, receives a personal invitation slipped under the door of their room that morning. Since I arrived on a Tuesday, I received an invitation to be there my first week. I also happened to see Joseph Smith that morning and he told me he was looking forward to the party and hoped I was planning to attend. I assured him I would be there. Now, as luck would have it, I was down at the hot tub at the appointed time, having totally forgotten about the party. Somebody asked me if I was going or if I planned to skip it all together! I hastily went to the room, got dressed and made my way quickly up to the disco. I slipped in the back door, since the party had already begun and Joe was giving his usual welcoming speech to the assembled guests. Then, he totally changed from the normal patter and said that he was proud to announce there was a celebrity at the party and he wanted to give him due recognition. He then announced -- my name! I was completely taken aback! I made my way to where he was standing, my face a crimson red. Joe presented me with an award recognizing my efforts over the years to enlighten people about Hedonism on my computer! The award itself is a beautiful thing, in and of itself. It's a crystal disk measuring six inches across by half an inch thick and it sits atop a crystal base six inches by three inches by half an inch. The disk is most expertly engraved and it contains the following inscription:
HEDONISM II
A SuperClubs Super-Inclusive Resort
15th ANNIVERSARY
The "Above And Beyond" Award
Presented to
JAMES "JAMAICA JIM" JORDAN
In Recognition of Your Extraordinary Support
Over The Last Fifteen Years
November 1, 1996
Many of you reading this, have met me over the years in person. And most of you know that I'm never -- or at least, seldom ever -- at a loss for words. Well, I'm here to tell you that the presentation of this award took me completely by surprise and resulted in my being totally tongue tied! I was caught unawares and unable to adequately acknowledge what it meant to me. I can now say that I'm most humbled at being so honored and I hope I can always continue to be a viable spokesman for Hedonism and SuperClubs. (I know it's probably vain on my part, but I have a graphic of the award. On the off-chance that some of you might want to see it, I'll upload it to the forum library in the very near future for your viewing.) Jamaica, Cold? You bet your Grandma's Long-Johns! I must mention here that this was my first, ever trip to Jamaica, and for that matter to the Caribbean, in the wintertime. Now, we all know here in the States what happens in the winter! Depending on the location, weather in the United States in the winter is -- COLD! Sure, there are those states such as California and Florida which advertise that they never get cold. Well, I never realized that the Caribbean got cold. Not really cold, but decidedly cool. In the first place, the humidity of the late spring, summer and fall is totally absent in the winter. You first realize this upon walking off the airplane at MoBay, only to find that your eyeglasses don't fog up and you don't begin to sweat (Ladies don't "sweat" -- they "glow"!) as you descend the stairs to the tarmac. You'll also notice that there's less humidity in the mornings. When you leave the air- conditioned comfort of your room, in the winter months, your glasses and the lenses of your camera and your camcorders don't fog up. In the second place, while the days are toasty warm in the sun, just as soon as the sun makes it's dramatic departure from the skies each evening, in December you immediately feel a change in the air. It actually gets a few degrees cooler just after the sunset occurs. And, it gets cooler as the evening progresses. It got cool enough that I felt a chill walking from the hot tub, after taking a hot dip, to my room. By the way, when I said above that "the days are toasty warm in the sun," I mean that it's warm -- not hot! And, I like it hot. For instance, when I had been to Hedonism previously, it was so hot - "How hot was it?" - that getting in the swimming pool was refreshing! Well, the new misting pool, the raised Jacuzzi between the misting pool and the swimming pool, and the swimming pool itself were all cold enough that I didn't even get into them! In fact, there weren't many folks who DID get in these cold pools. But, the newly reopened -- and magnificently refurbished -- hot tub saw plenty of use. And, for what it's worth, the whole newly completed pool complex at the far end of the nude beach is outta sight! New Features I can't say enough nice things about the new pool complex. It looks very up-scale, it's very functional and it was sorely needed. The old hot tub had seen better days -- and nights! It was really something that was gonna hafta be done sooner or later, anyway. There are some files in the forum library that show various views of it and, as time permits, I plan to upload some photographs that I had taken and some that were sent to me by my ol' friend, George Thomas Musgrave, III. (George is an engineer with ABC Television and he's technical director for "The ABC Nightly News With Peter Jennings.") I particularly like the addition of tiles on the bottom and seats of the hot tub. Oh, and there is one area on the side toward the beach where the jets don't seem to work. I can well understand why, having watched some of the construction that went into the overall job. What's happened is that some of the tile grout got into the pipe that supplies the jet openings - and clogged up that pipe! BTW, the addition of the new misting pool will provide a welcome respite from the heat of the day during all of the seasons except the winter, but I've covered that pretty fully above. And, the "grotto" that is situated adjacent to the misting pool, with the overhead waterfall covering the entrance, had already earned it the nickname of the "fornicatoruim"! <grin> The Most Beautiful Sunsets in the World! Some years ago, Playboy Magazine published a list of places that had the "Most" of almost anything you can imagine. And, Playboy listed Rick's Cafe in Negril, Jamaica, as being the place with the most beautiful sunsets in the world! Well, I now know that in December, the sunsets at Hedonism are just as beautiful -- if not made more so by it's location! You should realize that since it was winter, the days are shorter and the sun sets earlier than it on earlier trips -- and in a different part of the sky! I point out that first fact, just to underline the fact that the days in the winter, particularly in December are noticeably shorter than at any other time of the year. Now, that doesn't bother us usually at home, but when I'm on vacation, I want to have the maximum time to do "day" things -- and at my advanced chronological age, the main "night" thing I do is -- sleep! On the thing about where the sun sets, I have always thought it was kinda sad that the sun always set just behind the trees that are on Rutland Point and in order to get a good view -- and hopefully see the "green flash" as ol' Sol drops below the horizon -- a person had to at least go out on the main pier at Hedonism. You couldn't see sunsets from the nude beach. NOT so in the winter! The location of exactly where the sun goes down is dependent on the time of year and in December, it can be easily viewed right from the nude beach. My Fine Feather Friends! Talking bout things setting in the water, I'm happy to report that the nice family of pelicans on the nude beach are alive and still doing a great job of showing how to catch fish, to the enjoyment and sometimes to the surprise of the nude beach bums! At the beginning of my vacation, I seldom saw these fine feathered fishers at work. In fact, it caused me to inquire of Tina (the masseuse) if they had departed the vicinity. But, before the first week was out, there they were again -- dive-bombing the schools of bait fish and each enjoying a hearty repast on about ninety percent of their attempts. Even the youngest had watched his elders enough so he was able to get a good meal of fish most times. To the Depths! It should also be noted that since the days are noticeably shorter and the air temperatures are lower -- in the range of the mid- eighties during the day and the lower seventies during the nights -- the water temperatures are likewise lower. And, I do mean lower! The thermometer on my dive console usually shows a water temperature of eighty-five degrees when I have been previously at Hedonism in the late spring and the mid-fall. Not so in December! The water temperature was just a bit over seventy-eight degrees and I'm here to tell you that's cold enough to make it difficult to simply walk out in the water to the floating rafts! It causes one to catch their breath! And, don't even ask about what it's like to scuba dive in water that is s